dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
