Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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