I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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