Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just google imaged poop.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
