Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
