Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
