"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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