I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
