dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont even know how to be here
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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