I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
