1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
