The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
