I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
