He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
