you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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