i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
