just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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