She announced her abortion via fbk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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