We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
