The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
