Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize