I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
