Yo dont text me then not text me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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