Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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