Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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