His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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