Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just pee around me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
