I think I died a long time ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
