oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize