Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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