my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
