i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
