never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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