I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i drank out of a bidet.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think i got beer on your cat.
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