I heard we made out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
