there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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