You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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