I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
