I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
