I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my being single is dangerous.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
