Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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