ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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