i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I believe in your delicious
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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