she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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