yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
