Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
