Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize