What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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