I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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