i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
