I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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