Your tits are I can't wait for
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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