apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize