I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
