This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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