Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
