Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
