hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
