apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
