im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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