I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
