I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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