the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
